Hanging on to Hope
by crazy-copperboom
Summary: This is just following Raincoats and Recipes. Instead of going to Europe with Emily, Rory seeks out Jess in order to escape from the overwhelming mistakes she’s made. Consequently, they may catch up with her sooner than she expects.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

She can't live with this, it's too much. Seriously, Dean? He's married, he's married and he can't be with her. Rory knows it. He's not going to leave Lindsay for her! She's his wife, no matter what he said to her it doesn't change how he feels about Lindsay. Even if Dean did leave her, it would be Rory's fault and she couldn't bear that, especially after seeing Lindsay at the butcher's earlier that afternoon. Lindsay was trying so hard. God, how could she have been so stupid? Her mom was right, she always is. Great, her mom, she had to pick a fight with her! Now she's in a ridiculous fight with one person she really needs to talk to! Why did she have to choose now to fight with Lorelai?

What is she going to do? She can't stay here in Stars Hollow. She has to give Dean and Lindsay time to fix their marriage and quite frankly, she won't be able to do that unless she's far away from Dean. What a great start to the summer! She's having sex with a married man and fighting with her mother. Nothing could top that right? She thinks over her options; she could just wait until school starts again but that would still leave her in Stars Hollow for two months. She's definitely not going to stay with her Grandparents, so that idea is out. When she begins to feel she has exhausted all her options, she remembers one last thing, perhaps the most insane idea of them all. Jess had asked her to come away with him. It may be a little late, but she might still be able to take him up on his offer.

As she approaches Luke's she thinks about the choice she's making. No, this is no time for thinking! She's made up her mind and she wants it to stay made up. She needs to get Jess' cell number from Luke. He must have it. Jess wouldn't leave without giving it to him, not if he's changed. Luke will understand and when Lorelai is worried about her daughter, Luke will be able to assure her that Rory is in safe hands. She doesn't want to upset her mother but she can't be around her right now. She needs a fresh start and friend to confide in, maybe she'll find one in Jess.

She enters the diner and takes a seat on one of the stools at the counter. Almost immediately, Luke emerges from the kitchen and with plates in hand, heads toward one of the tables. As he returns he spots Rory. "What can I get you?" he asks.

"Actually, I'm not here for food."

"Okay…" Luke says sounding slightly confused.

"I wanted to ask you if I could have Jess' number."

"Sure, I haven't got it memorized but it's upstairs. I'll be back in a minute."

"Thanks Luke."

"No problem," he replies.

Climbing up the steps to the apartment, Luke wonders what Rory wants with Jess' number. Had Jess said anything to her? Had the books he lent him really helped? They may have been stupid but it seemed like Jess had really changed. Maybe, just maybe, there is hope for him after all.

Entering the apartment he turns towards the fridge. There, underneath a Hello Kitty magnet (Jess must have found it in one of his drawers, Lorelai had given it to him five years ago) was Jess' contact information. He grabs a notebook and copies it out onto another piece of paper. Heading back down the dark staircase he considers asking Rory what she wants with Jess, but decides against it. It isn't really his place to be asking her about her personal business. He'd be there for her anyway and he'd kick Jess' ass if hurt her.

"There you go. Contact info for one Jess Mariano."

"Thanks Luke, really, it's nice of you to get this for me," she says as he hands her the paper. He smiles at her and she gets up to leave.

"And Rory?"

"Yeah Luke?"

"If you ever need anything you just have to ask," Luke puts in his last two cents. "I'm always here."

"Thanks, I'll remember that." A genuine smile crosses her face as she walks down the steps and into the bustling streets of Stars Hollow.


	2. Chapter 2

Hanging on to Hope

As she enters the house Rory makes a point of being quiet. She doesn't want to see the pain and frustration on her mother's face as she watches her daughter following in her wayward footsteps. She hates knowing that she has disappointed her mother and her best friend. She turns the corner and stands to face her room. Pictures flood her memory as she re-creates the scene that had unfolded the night before. She winces as she sees herself as the other woman. Feeling the sting of her mistakes, she exits her room and heads in the direction of the bathroom. Hopping into the shower she hopes it will take away her feelings of remorse and let her forget--if only for a moment--the mess she has made and the problems it will cause.

Time passes too quickly, she must have taken a longer shower than she thought. She comes out of the bathroom to find it's almost twelve o'clock. She wonders if it's too late to call. Jess never went to bed early, in fact sometimes she wondered if he ever slept at all. She decides to take her chances (this time in more appropriate circumstances) and sits down on her bed while reaching over to grab the piece of paper Luke had given to her. Her determined fingers dial the number while her hesitant brain is telling her, abort, abort! Don't do it! It rings three times before his gruff tone can be heard on the other line.

"Hello?" Jess says, sounding a little preoccupied.

"Um, hi." Rory's concern deepens; maybe this isn't the best time.

"Rory?" He quickly switches focus so that all his attention is on her.

"Yup, it's me." Her butterflies slowly begin to disappear as she recalls the easy conversations they used to take part in. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.

"I know, I just can't believe it," he explains, "I mean after talking to you the other day, I kinda got the feeling you never wanted to see me again. I guess I'm just surprised you're calling me, and curious as to how you got my number?"

"Luke gave it to me," is her only reply.

They both sit in silence for a moment. Jess closes the window that was up on his computer screen. He figures his work can wait. Rory chooses this time to get more comfortable on her bed, bringing her feet up so she is sitting cross legged.

"So," Rory begins, "How are things?"

"Things are okay. I've been really busy lately, but at least I have a job," he tells her. What he doesn't mention is that he really misses her and everything about her. "How are things with you?" he asks.

"Umm," she hesitates, "Things are fine." What a lie! Things are anything but fine! If only he knew…

Realizing that she is not going to say anything else Jess asks her, "Is there an actual reason for this call?"

"Well, I wanted…" she pauses. How is she supposed to say what she wants?

"You wanted…" Jess repeats.

"I thought…" She tries again. Nope, no luck.

"Rory," Jess says trying to coax whatever she has to say out of her.

"Jess," she says mimicking him.

"Come on, just tell me and get it over with." He gets the feeling she must have something troubling her. This isn't like her not getting right down to the point.

She takes a deep breath and decides that if he really had wanted her there before than he shouldn't have any objections now, right? "You know that idea you had come to ask me about at Yale…" Here she goes.

"You mean the let's get away from Stars Hollow thing?" he suggests, "Yeah, it wasn't really one of those things you just forget about." He is telling her the truth. Secretly, he had been trying to erase that night (and her beautiful blue eyes) from his memory. Everyday he attempted to push them to the back of his mind, but she was becoming a constant distraction.

"Yeah, well a lot has happened." For some reason she felt the need to defend herself against Jess' previous words.

"What do you mean a lot has happened?" How much could happen between the last time he talked to her and now?

"Never mind, I don't want to talk about it." She's beginning to change her mind. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.

"Fine." He's not going to force her to open up.

"I just…I didn't really give it much thought when you asked me come with you," she attempts to explain. "I was hurt and confused and I wasn't thinking! Maybe I really can trust you now."

"You really think that?"

"Yes I do." Once again she questions whether she is really telling the truth. Quite frankly, she doesn't really know what she thinks anymore.

"After all that you've decided you can just come crawling back to me, asking for a second chance when you wouldn't even give me one?" He has a right to be mad. Just because he cares about her doesn't mean he going to let her get off that easy.

"I wasn't thinking straight, you caught me at a bad time!"

"How was I supposed to know you were with Dean?!"

"I wasn't…I'm not with Dean!" She's on the verge of tears. She really doesn't want to talk about Dean right now.

"Look, I'm sorry." Great now he's made the one person he loves cry. "Calm down I didn't mean for you to get so upset."

"No you're right, I'm the one who should be saying sorry. Why did I even think that you would want this? After the way I treated you I can't believe you're even willing to have a civil conversation with me."

"Well, I don't know if I'd call this civil but at least we're covering some ground."

"I really am sorry Jess."

"It's ok, don't worry about it, we needed to talk about this."

"Wow, look who's Mr. Understanding."

"I told you I've changed."

"I should have believed you."

"Don't sweat it," he says. At least she's talking to him.

"So..."

"So..."

There is a long pause. Neither of them knows what to say or how to continue. As the slightly awkward silence envelopes the two friends it gives them both time to think. When they pass the feeling of discomfort and enter the realm of easy silence, Jess decides to speak up. "Are you still feeling adventurous?"

Rory laughs, Jess had always been the one diverging from the issue at hand not bringing them back on topic. "Yeah," she smiles, "Definitely still feeling adventurous."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It's about twelve o'clock in the afternoon. Rory lugs her packed bags out to her car and leaves a message with Michel at The Dragonfly telling her Mom that everything's alright but she's going to be gone for a while and to cancel their lunch with Grandma.

After a long drive--due to the fact that she got lost twice--and much searching Rory arrives at Jess' apartment building. She parks her car and leaving her belongings she begins walking toward the front doors. Approaching the elevator she looks at the piece of paper in her hand. Inside she pushes the button which will apparently take her to her destination. The elevator's doors close and the entire thing jolts as it begins to carry her to level six. When the elevator stops and the doors open she walks out into a pastel green hallway with bright lighting. She looks once again at her notes that she had scribbled down the night before. She turns left in search of apartment number 103. She passes only a few doors before she finds what she hopes is Jess' apartment. The wooden door and frame have been painted an off white colour and she wonders what on earth Jess is doing in a place that looks so not him. From outside the door she can hear loud music playing, now that--she thinks--sounds more like Jess. Just after she knocks she notices the music turn off and the sound of footsteps heading in her direction. The door opens and smiling, Jess invites her in.

The inside is exactly how she would have imagined it only less messy. It's very small, but it's cozy. To her left is the kitchen and on her right is what would most likely be considered the living room. A little television sits on a table right beside the door. Between the TV and a couch is a coffee table which is completely bare. Behind the couch are a desk and a computer which Jess had told her he uses for work. In the far right corner is a bathroom and beside it is what she assumes must be his bedroom. Her eyes roam the room taking in all the little details. It's nicer than she was expecting after seeing the outside of the building.

"So," Jess says, "This is my home sweet home."

"It's nice," Rory responds.

'It's not much, but at least it's not a dump," he says.

"I like it!" she tells him.

"Well, if Rory likes it," he teases her and Rory smiles. "I would give you a tour but there's not much to show, it's pretty much all right here." He spreads out his arms and gestures to the entire room.

Rory wanders over to the kitchen. "You have a nice kitchen," she says.

"Yeah, unfortunately it doesn't get much use. I don't really see the point in cooking for one person. Occasionally I will make myself something just to prove to myself that I still know how to cook."

"Right, I forgot that you can cook."

"I worked in a diner; I picked up a few things."

"Of course you did."

"At least I _can_ cook."

"Hey!" she says defensively, "I can make the perfect cup of coffee, now that takes a lot of skill!"

"Yeah, but coffee won't save you from starvation."

"Hush you! Coffee could fix all the world's problems."

"Uh-huh."

"Fine, don't believe me, but when some great scientist discovers that coffee is the cure for cancer I'll be able to say I told you so."

"Okay, fine. Coffee could fix all the world's problems. Are you happy?"

"Very."

"Hey, where's your stuff?" Jess asks.

"Oh, I left it in the car. I better go get it."

"I'll help."

"Why, what a gentleman you've become!" she states in her surprise as he opens the door for her, "Thank you!"

"I've always been a gentleman."

"Oh sure…" Rory rolls her eyes and smiles. "Now that's even crazier than my coffee idea," she says as the both walk into the elevator.

When they reach her car Jess grabs a large suitcase and what looks like a smaller, lighter bag. To his surprise the small bag is heavy and he has more difficulty lifting it than he expected. "What on Earth is in here?" he asks.

"Oh, that one has all my books," she replies.

"All of them?"

"Well, not all of them, just the few I decided to bring."

"Few?"

"Okay, bunch."

"More like ton!"

"Sorry, I can carry it if you want."

"No, I've got it."

"Suit yourself."

Rory grabs the last bag and closes her trunk. They head back into the building and once again up the elevator. When they're inside his apartment Rory asks, "Where, should we put it?"

"Over here." He gestures the best he can with his hands full for her to follow him. Rory opens the door to the room Jess is pointing to and walks in. The bed is made and the room is perfectly tidy. "This is your room," he tells her.

"Where will you sleep?" she wonders.

"On the couch out there. It has a bed that pulls out," he says.

"Jess, it's your apartment. I'll sleep out there, you should have your room," she argues.

"No." Jess puts his foot down, "You're sleeping here."

"But…" Rory begins.

"I don't want to hear it, you're sleeping in here."

"Fine. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I'm going to order some Chinese food, you can unpack or whatever."

"Okay, thanks. I'm starving!"

Jess leaves the room and Rory moves over to an armoire to find that it is empty. She opens the bottom drawer and then unzips her suitcase. Carefully, she starts taking out her neatly folded clothes and places them inside. Soon all her clothing is unpacked and she takes out a pillow and a teddy bear and places them on the bed. Through the window she can see the bustling streets of New York, packed with cars and people. This would take a bit of adjusting, but she always loved a little excitement. She hears a knock at the door and assumes it must be the Chinese food. Exiting her room, she follows her nose to the living room where Jess has laid out all the food and two forks.

"I figured we could just eat out of the containers, fewer dishes," he informs her.

"As long as I get to eat, I'm all for it."

"Dig in."

Rory takes a seat beside Jess on the sofa and picks up a fork and container filled with noodles. Immediately she 'digs in' as Jess had told her to. Seeing the amount of food she is packing away he comments, "Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you were hungry!"

"I guess this could be considered my breakfast."

"At 4:30 in the afternoon?"

"It's the first thing I've eaten all day."

"Poor nutrition deprived Rory."

"Chinese food is nutritious?"

"There's green things in it, see," he says pulling out a snap pea.

"Yeah, but I picked most of those out."

"Then it's not my fault if you die of scurvy," Jess warns.

When all the food has been eaten both Rory and Jess sit, stuffed on the couch watching TV. The empty containers are still on the coffee table, but neither of them seems to want to clean up. Jess is almost perfectly content, however he can't help but wonder, "What made you change your mind?"

"Change my mind about what?" Rory asks.

"About coming to see me again," he explains, "About leaving everything in Stars Hollow to come to New York."

"I can't tell you," she says.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Because."

"You know as well as I do that because is not a reason."

"Since when do I have to have a reason?"

"Hey, you're just trying to get me off the topic."

"Maybe…" she says mischievously.

"Come on Rory, just tell me."

"How about you tell me why you left."

Jess is silent for a moment. Rory has a feeling she won't need to be explaining any time soon. She is surprised however, when he does not refuse. "Fine, but only if you promise to tell me what made you decide to come here. Do we have a deal?" he asks.

She seems hesitant. "Deal," she agrees.

"I had no choice the first time," Jess explains, "I screwed up, smashed your car and Luke sent me home. There wasn't really anything I could do. I guess I didn't want to be around anyway, everyone hated me even more than usual after the car accident. I didn't want to leave you."

"Fine, fair enough. Luke sent you away, you didn't exactly run."

"No, I didn't," he confirms, "And I came back. I wasn't planning on it but then you showed up in New York. I couldn't believe that you actually skipped school to come see me. When I asked you why, you said it was because I didn't say goodbye. You were the reason I came back. When I realized you were still with Dean I wondered why. I was kind of expecting Dean to be out of the picture. In fact, after you kissed me I was definitely expecting Dean to be out of the picture."

"You were the one making out with Shane and you're blaming me for staying with Dean?" she wondered.

"That was only because you were gone for most of the summer! I'll admit I might have been trying to make you jealous, okay? But only because you left me hanging for so long."

"I suppose your reasons are justified. We weren't dating then."

"No we weren't."

"What about when you left the second time, huh? That's what hurt me the most. I spent so much time wondering what went wrong. I thought I had done something to drive you away. You could have told me you weren't graduating and couldn't take me to the prom."

"I didn't want to upset you. I had disappointed you enough. I wasn't really sure how to tell you. You were so excited about the prom and you knew I could have graduated if I actually went to class. It figured it was easier not to tell you at all. Then Jimmy came and I figured that gave me an excuse to leave. I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry Rory. I just didn't want to hurt you."

"Well you did. You even saw me on the bus and you didn't say anything! I didn't know you weren't going to be coming back. That really, really hurt Jess. You left again without saying goodbye."

"I'm sorry. Look, please forgive me, I've changed now. I won't do it again. I really don't like talking about it. Will it make you feel better if I tell you that goodbye is now a permanent word in my vocabulary?"

"Fine, but I have one last question."

"Shoot."

"It was you that called when I graduated, right?"

"Yeah," he admits.

"Okay," she says simply.

"Okay," he asks, "That's it?"

"Yup, I just wanted to make sure that I didn't give that speech to the wrong person."

"You didn't."

"Good."

"So what brings you here?"

Rory looks down at her feet. "Can we talk about it tomorrow? I'm not trying to get out of it, I promise. Everything has just happened so fast, I'm not quite ready to talk yet."

"Okay, I can wait. Just let me know when you're ready."

"Thanks Jess."

"No problem."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Rory and Jess spend the next couple of weeks in what seems to be perfect contentment, excluding the day not long after Rory arrives that Lorelai calls. They argue very loudly and Jess observes. Unfortunately, Rory and Lorelai come to the decision not to talk to each other. They are freezing each other out. The fight - which was after all, about Dean - draws Rory's attention back to what had happened in Stars Hollow, making the memory fresh and painful. When Jess asks her what they were fighting about she tells him once again that she's not ready to talk about it yet. He leaves it at that and doesn't ask her again. Since then they talk just as they always had before Jess' absence had jeopardized their relationship. Neither of them ventures to say anything that will lead them to speak of more serious matters. They spend plenty of time together laughing, watching TV and countless hours of just talking. As cautious as Rory is, it doesn't take long before she begins to trust Jess again. However, although she is enjoying her time with Jess, her mind is continuously occupied thinking about what she had done with Dean.

Then finally, after thinking herself to death over the matter, Rory decides she is ready to talk to Jess about why she left. Jess has changed so much since she had dated him in high school. He is actually willing to talk about things now instead of just ignoring them. She knows it's a good change however, she wishes he hadn't become quite so open simply because she dreads telling him about Dean. She supposes it doesn't really matter. She would want him to know anyway. He has regained his friend status. She's just unsure of how he'll react. That's probably what is scaring her the most. She doesn't usually care what other people think, but his opinion seems to matter to her, just like her Mom's did. Lorelai was right and she knows it, but she still doesn't want the same response from Jess. So, late one evening when they are sitting in font of the TV, Rory tells Jess what he's been waiting patiently to hear.

"I'm ready to talk," she announces.

"You mean about..?" he begins to ask.

"Yes, about why I left."

"Okay."

"But you have to promise me that won't tell anyone else about it. Do you understand me?"

"Cross my heart," he says even going so far as to use hand gestures.

"I'm serious Jess. This is really hard for me to talk about."

"It's okay, I won't tell anyone."

"Good. Umm, okay," she starts hesitantly, but soon, words come tumbling out of her mouth. "I guess what happened was that Dean and I had been running into each other a lot. He had been working on the Inn and I did some illegal hammering and that night you came he had picked me up from an awful date with this guy my Grandma set me up with. After that night he was acting all weird and he said that he didn't like you and he didn't want me with you. We almost kissed but then Tom came in and said something about the doors. Later I was helping with the test run and my mom asked me to get some CDs from the house so I went home and all of a sudden Dean showed up. Then we were in my room and he told me that things weren't working out between him and Lindsay, he said they weren't happy. Then I was kissing him and he took off his ring and well…we had sex," she says awkwardly, bluntly. Embarrassment colours her cheeks.

"Wow…"

"Wait, there's more. My mom walked in on us. I mean she didn't walk _in on us_, in on us, but she was in the house and she saw Dean come out of my room. She was really mad and we got in a big argument. I went outside to call Dean, but Lindsay answered and I just hung up and pretty much freaked out. So basically, my first time having sex really sucked. Everything went completely wrong," she explains.

"Okay, so let me get this strait. You slept with Dean at your house, in your bed even though he was married and then you and your mom had a fight about it?"

"Pretty much."

"Whoa." Rory really knew how to surprise him.

"I know."

"You do realize that Dean had an affair with you behind his wife's back? What happened? The Rory I knew was smart and cautious and thought things through. How did you end up in that tiny bed with Dean?"

"I don't really know. It just happened. Jess, you have no idea how awful I feel. I can't even believe that I did that. I just want to go back and do things over. I never wanted this to happen."

"It's okay, you're sorry."

"That's it?"

"Yup."

"No shouting?"

"Nope."

"No huge speech telling me everything I did was completely and utterly screwed up?"

"Rory, it looks like you've suffered enough. You don't need me to remind you that what you did was stupid."

"Do you hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because I slept with Dean."

"No, I don't hate you. Dean on the other hand… Come on Rory, you have to stop beating yourself up over it."

"I can't. I just keep on thinking about Lindsay. She was trying so hard Jess. She really wanted to make things work with Dean and I just made things worse," she says as she begins to cry, "I'm a terrible person. I'm going to hell for this. I could have ruined a marriage."

Jess feels awkward. He hates it when she cries and he doesn't know what to do to console her. He wants to touch her and hold her and tell her everything is going to be fine, but he manages to refrain. That might be a little too much for her to handle right now. He searches for the right words, doing the best he can to make her feel better about the situation. "You're not a terrible person, Rory. So what, you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. You don't go to hell for making mistakes. Dean's a jerk. He shouldn't have cheated on his wife. She's better off without him."

"I didn't mean to," she says almost in a whisper.

"It's okay. I know you didn't."

"I want them to be happy."

"You can't control that can you?"

"I sure didn't help."

"Just stop thinking about it. It's not going to do anything. You left and Dean can straighten things out. You're not a part of it anymore."

"That doesn't make it any better."

"Just try, please?"

"Okay."

"Good. How would you feel about something to eat?"

"You know what? For once I'm not hungry. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Thanks for listening Jess, I think…I think I really needed to talk to someone about that."

"No problem."

"Goodnight."

"Night Rory."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm sorry this is such a short chapter! I hardly ever write chapters this short. However, it was late and I was very tired…probably not the best circumstances for writing. Oh well, I hope you continue to enjoy it. I already have the next chapter, but I may possibly want to do some tweaking. I wrote it a while ago. Thank you for the reviews and comments. They are always appreciated! :D

**Chapter 5**

Rory is the last person on earth that Jess would have expected to sleep with a married man. The fact that the man happened to be Dean is like rubbing salt into the wound. He hates Dean. He hates that the girl he loves was even that close to another man. He hates that someone else's hands had touched her, held her. He hates that it wasn't him.

Jess grabs his keys and his wallet. Instead of disturbing Rory, he discreetly abandons the apartment. He walks two blocks to the nearest convenience store and buys a pack of cigarettes. A vacant, nearby bench becomes the first place that Jess Mariano has lit a cigarette in months. After smoking two of them, he angrily chucks the whole pack into a garbage can. His head falls into his hands and he rubs his eyes. He shouldn't have asked. The way Rory was acting, the evasiveness, it should have been a trigger. It was to some degree, but not enough. He hadn't been prepared for what she told him.

But then again, she didn't stay in Stars Hollow. She came to New York. For some strange, unknown reason, she suddenly forgot about how he had treated her and chose Jess, of all people, to confide in. He can't screw things up now. After all those years of running from his problems, Jess finally has the nerve to stay put. This time, it's Rory's turn to run.

Just as Jess is returning from his outing, Rory emerges in her peanut pajamas, startling him a little.

"Rory, I thought you were asleep."

"I was getting there, but I heard something."

"You should go back to bed. I didn't mean to wake you up."

She moves closer to him. She can smell the smoke that has perfumed his clothes, his skin. "Have you been smoking? I thought you quit."

"I did. I mean, I have." He runs his fingers through his hair. "I just had a couple. I threw the rest out."

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Look, it won't happen again."

"Do you want to talk about it?" She gives him another chance to open up.

"It's no big deal. It's late. We should probably get to bed. I have work tomorrow." What is he supposed to tell her? That he loves her? That the thought of Dean anywhere near her makes him livid? Not going to happen. Not now, anyway.

"Right." Oh well, maybe next time.

"See ya tomorrow."

"Goodnight Jess." Rory closes the bedroom door behind her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Rory is up late thinking. School will be starting soon and Rory finds herself wondering what she is going to do. She's definitely not ready to go back to Stars Hollow and wonders if a commute from New York to Yale would really be that bad. She pulls out her laptop and does her research, discovering that it should take about an hour and fifteen minutes (granted that is with little traffic) to get to Yale from where she and Jess are living. She figures she can handle the drive, it's not exactly ideal, but she's enjoying it here and knows that going back to Stars Hollow is not an option right now. Rory is thrilled at the thought of returning to school even if it means dealing with Paris. She hates to admit it, but Paris really isn't that bad and she kind of misses her. Just as the thought enters her mind her phone rings. "Hello?" Rory answers it.

"Rory? Good you finally picked up. Hey, I'm looking for a decent roommate. How would you feel about sharing an apartment with me?"

"Paris, what are you doing? Don't you know what time it is?"

"Oh please, you don't sound like you just woke up. Besides, I couldn't seem to reach you earlier."

"Thanks for the offer Paris, but I can't. I've already found somewhere to stay."

"Come on Rory, you're my only hope. It's only one week before school starts and all these other people are completely untrustworthy. How can I know that my roommate won't murder me in my sleep, huh?"

"Paris, no one is going to murder you."

"That kind of attitude is going to get you killed. You can't go around thinking that the world is a happy place full of unicorns and butterflies."

"If it was, then I'd have reason to worry."

"Who are you living with? I bet they're going to kill you. You've got it coming."

"Seriously Paris, you can't scare me into moving in with you. I'm staying put."

"Fine. Where are you right now anyway?"

"I'm living in New York with a friend."

"Huh. And you think that's safe?"

"Paris, he's a good friend. I can trust him."

"Oh, so you're ditching me to be with a guy, huh? Do you know how many rapists there are out there…" Rory cuts her off.

"Goodbye Paris."

"Rory wait!"

"Yes Paris?"

"Are you sure nothing can persuade you to change your mind?"

"There is nothing you can do to make me change my mind."

"Damn!"

"See you at school Paris."

"If you're still alive."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Rory hangs up the phone and puts it on her bedside table. She turns off her lamp and settles comfortably into bed. Although she seems tired enough, her mind is kept busy thinking of the past few weeks. She notices some small occurrences and it dawns on her for the first time that they may be linked. Worry immediately becomes her prominent emotion. Although virtually consumed by her thoughts, she tries to ignore her current anxiety long enough to get herself to sleep.

- - - - - - - - - -

Jess enters the house after being let out early from work, and heads for the fridge to get a snack. Placing his hand on the refrigerator door he goes to open it, but upon hearing a noise he raises his head to listen. It's coming from the bathroom, so he crosses the apartment and presses his ear to the door. A faint whimper comes from inside. Knocking he asks, "Rory are you okay?"

"Jess?" she sounds shocked, "What are you doing here?" she asks through tears.

"I got out of work early tonight. What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," she lies.

"No you're not. Can I come in?"

"You shouldn't see me like this…" Jess doesn't need to hear the rest of her response and slowly opens the door. To his great surprise he finds her huddled on the floor against the wall, knees curled up to her chin. Tears are streaming down her face. She has something in her hand and upon closer examination he discovers what it is: a pregnancy test.

"No way?" He is in shock. Disbelief is written all over his face. One nod from her tells him there's no mistake. Unsure what to do he fights his instinct to run. Sitting down beside her he pulls her into his arms. The test slides out of her hand and onto the floor as she buries her head in his chest. She cries and cries and for once doesn't care, doesn't feel embarrassment. She lets the tears of shock and uncertainty flow endlessly while Jess strokes her hair and kisses her head. She accepts his gentle soothing willingly. His initial instinct to run begins to vanish as he is filled with the overwhelming desire to comfort Rory. He doesn't have to ask whose it is and hates Dean for it. He hates to see her like this. He wants to do whatever he can to take away her pain, her anxiety. His whole being longs to help the girl who has cried herself to sleep and is lying limp in his arms. He gently picks her up and carries her to her bed. He looks at her face flushed and tear stained. She is so beautiful.

Jess leaves her to sleep while he goes for the phone. He doesn't care how much she would protest, she needs her mother right now. They had a bond that he could never have with Rory. This bond that started at infancy is something that Rory and Lorelai had managed to maintain their entire lives together. When Lorelai had Rory she was determined not to be like so many other mothers, like her mother. She wanted to have a relationship with her daughter and put that above everything else. After all they've been through together they have to understand that one disagreement can't destroy those years of friendship. Jess wouldn't let that happen. He dials the familiar number. After a series of rings someone picks up.

"Lorelai?" he asks.

"Jess?" This is a surprise.

"I need to talk to you," he says.

Lorelai can detect a small amount of urgency in his voice. "About?" she asks.

"Rory," he tells her, "She really needs you right now."

"Oh no, what did you do?"

"Look, I know you don't like me and I know you think I stole your daughter, but please trust me. I didn't do anything. I don't think I should tell you what's wrong. That's something she has to choose to share, but you need to come see her. You have to be there for her." He pleads with everything he has. Lorelai is the only one who can really empathize with her. She's been through it and can understand. She's her mother and her best friend and that's exactly who Rory needs.

"I'll be right there," she has an opportunity to be with her daughter and this may be the only chance she'll ever get. Whatever the problem may be, she needs Rory just as much as Rory needs her.

Jess gives her the address and hangs up. Finally after almost seven weeks of not speaking, the two girls will be reunited. The tension will stop and maybe Rory will be at peace again.

- - - - - - - - - -

There is a loud knock at the door and Jess wastes no time in answering it. A frantic Lorelai bursts into the room.

"Where is she?" Where is her baby girl? Her best friend? Her entire world?

Jess doesn't even speak. He just tilts his head towards Rory's bedroom. When Lorelai gets there Rory is facing the blind covered window, back to her mother. So many questions run through Lorelai's head. Is she asleep? Does she even know I'm here? What on earth is wrong?

"Rory honey, are you okay?" she almost whispers. When there is no response she goes around to the other side of the bed to find Rory staring strait ahead eyes fixed on the nothingness in front of her. She doesn't move, doesn't blink. What is going on? She waves her hand in front of her eyes. Rory doesn't seem to notice. Fed up and a little frightened Lorelai drops the purse she has been holding and sits down on the bed beside her daughter. Carefully she places her hand on Rory's face and moves it so their eyes meet. Lorelai's are full of curiosity and Rory's of uncertainty. Tears well up in the younger girl's eyes and she finally speaks.

"I have to quit Yale. I've ruined everything." She cries again, this time for lost dreams.

Lorelai lies down on the bed and pulls her daughter into her arms. Rory's entire body shakes with heavy sobs. In the nineteen years of her life Rory had never reacted to any circumstance quite like this one. She was not one to sulk. She refused to wallow. Instead she made lists. She did homework, did anything else but fixate on what it was that happened to be bothering her. This was so unlike anything she had ever done. It scared her. What had happened to the confident woman she once knew?

"I'm not ready," Rory speaks so quietly Lorelai is surprised she can hear her at all.

"Not ready for what?" she wonders. What on Earth could possibly cause her daughter to act like this?

"To be a mother," she whispers, "To quit Yale."

All of a sudden it dawns on her. Hadn't she dealt with her pregnancy the same way? At first there was just shock. However, once the initial shock wore off it finally sunk in. You can't be a kid anymore. In seconds you go from being a child to a woman. Any plans for the future can come crashing down around you, and nothing can be done about it. Rory is feeling exactly the same way Lorelai had twenty years ago when she discovered she was pregnant.

"It's okay, no one is asking you to be ready." She does what little she can to soothe her. "You'll be fine. Yale can wait, it's not going anywhere. This baby is more important."

"I know." It's hard for Rory to admit, but she knows.

"You need rest Hun. I'm not going anywhere either, I promise." She kisses her head and wipes the tears off her cheeks. "I love you."

"I love you too mom."

"There's pizza here," Jess announces when Lorelai enters the room. He had taken the liberty of ordering pizza for everyone while the girls were talking.

"Thanks," she says, taking a piece. She stares at the pizza and then puts the slice back down. She begins to speak again, "I'm sorry Jess."

"Sorry for what?"

"For all the time I've wasted hating you and wishing Luke had never let you stay with him and for not trusting you. I never really earned your trust, but Rory did. I think that if you're worthy of her respect you should be worthy of mine too. It was just so hard, you know? You were the bad boy and I didn't want to see my daughter dating you. I didn't like seeing her leave her great first boyfriend for the bad kid. Turns out Dean isn't really so great after all." She takes a breath. "It looks like you finally got your life together. You're not stealing beer out of people's fridges anymore are you?"

"No I'm not and thanks," he says. He is really truly and honestly thankful that Lorelai is finally willing to trust him. "I hate Dean."

"See? We've already found something we agree on."

- - - - - - - - - -

A/N: I am going to Mexico for two weeks, so please have patience until I return. :D I hope you're enjoying the story! Thank you once again for the reviews. I really appreciate them!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Okay, I'm sorry it has taken so incredibly long for me to update. Now that school has started I'm not doing a very good job of making time for writing. Plus, I'm extra frazzled because of a math course that I'm most likely failing. Forgive me. I tried doing this chapter differently, but instead this came out. It worked out lovely in my head, perhaps not as great on paper (well, computer). I'm sorry if I disappoint, but that seems to be the trend in all areas of my life right now. Oops, I'm blabbing. Alright, read on dear friends, read on…

**Chapter 7**

With Jess' permission, Lorelai decides to spend the night at the apartment. She knows Rory is going to need all the comfort she can get. For now, Rory is asleep and Lorelai remembers the state of panic she was in when she left for New York. In a frantic rush she stormed out of Luke's, but promised to give him a call. She figures now would be a good time to fill him in on the happenings in New York.

"Lorelai, hey!" Luke says. "How are you? How's Rory? What's going on?"

"I'm fine. I'm not so sure about Rory though."

"What happened? Is everything alright?"

"Well, it depends on what you'd consider alright. Rory's pregnant."

The statement sends Luke through the roof. "What!? How the hell did this happen? Jess did this didn't he? I'm going to kill him! I told him that if he so much as touched Rory…"

"No Luke, it wasn't Jess' fault."

"Now I'm confused."

"It's not Jess' baby. It's Dean's."

"But isn't Dean married?"

"Yup."

"Wow. I think I'm gonna need to sit down."

"Good idea."

"When did it happen?"

"At the test run for the Inn."

"But Rory was there helping."

"Well, you know what happens. You take your eyes off them for a second and all hell breaks loose!" she explains, "That's why we were fighting."

"Oh Lorelai, I'm so sorry."

"Nah, it's okay. We're talking again so everything's good, well, not everything obviously. I mean, I was hoping it would be under different circumstances, but we're talking again."

"How's Jess taking it?"

"Actually he seems to be taking it really well. He hasn't disappeared yet, so I guess that earns him some points."

"He didn't bolt?"

"Nope. He's still here."

Luke smiles. He's proud of Jess. He really has changed. "You want me to come out there?"

"Thanks Luke, but I think Rory and I just need a little time to adjust. We'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"I hope so."

"Okay, you just call me if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks Luke."

"Bye Lorelai."

"Bye."

- - - - - - - - - -

"I don't know what to do!" Lorelai exclaims in exasperation. "She won't get out of bed, won't eat, won't talk to me! At least yesterday she was talking to me!"

"What happened to 'we'll be fine'?" Luke asks.

"Not helping!"

"She'll come around. This isn't like Rory," he says.

"That's what worries me. Rory's idea of wallowing is making a to-do list and maybe loading up on some ice cream. She doesn't just stop working!" Lorelai begins to tear up.

"Aww Lorelai…"

"She's spent her whole life trying to get to university. She was finally there. She reached her goal and now it's put on hold. Luke, I don't think I can fix this," she complains.

"Are you sure she doesn't want to, you know…"

"No, she won't have an abortion. She absolutely refuses. At least, she did yesterday when she was actually talking. I'd agree with her, but she's so miserable."

"It'll be alright. Rory's a strong girl. She'll be fine. You did it, right? Look at how things turned out for you."

"Yeah, but I wasn't happy to begin with." She sniffles. "You should see her Luke. It's like she's playing dead or something."

"She'll be okay," he reassures her.

"I really don't want to leave her, but I have to get back to the Inn. I can't leave Michel and Sookie to look after everything by themselves. There may not be an Inn when I get back. Damn! Why'd I have to start a business now?"

"Lorelai…" She cuts him off.

"I need to be there for her!"

"Jess can take care of her. At least you're not leaving her alone."

"I guess," she sighs, "What about her doctor's appointment?"

"What?" Luke asks.

"I booked a doctor's appointment for her in a couple days. The way things are going now, there's no way she's going to go."

"Jess can take her," he suggests.

"Luke, I can't even get her to _talk_ to me. I don't think Jess will have much luck getting her dressed and out of bed."

"She'll snap out of it. You can't stay there forever. You have a business to run. Jess can handle it."

"Jess this, Jess that. I'm her _mother_ Luke! _I'm_ supposed to take care of her! That's _my_ job! I'm not looking for a replacement. Although, I guess I'm not doing a very good job. Things are already falling apart. If I don't get back to the Inn, things will start falling apart there too. I don't know what to do!" she cries.

"I'm sorry Lorelai. I don't want Jess to replace you. I just thought that Rory is only one person and that Jess could handle her by himself. The Inn is an entire business. I figured there's a lot more to take care of."

"You obviously know very little about women."

- - - - - - - - - -

"Rory sweetie?" Lorelai pops into Rory's room and crouches down beside her. Rory still refuses to talk. "I have to get back to the Inn now, but you can call me whenever you need me, alright? I promise I'll come as soon as I can. I love you hun."

She pushes back her hair and kisses her forehead. As she gets up to leave, she hears a whisper. "Don't tell Dean," Rory murmurs.

"Okay."

- - - - - - - - - -

"Rory, you have a doctor's appointment in 3 hours. You have to get up," Jess tries to make her understand that this is urgent, but she seems to have no interest. Still, she will not speak, will not move. "Look, I know you're scared and I know this sucks but I have been working my ass off to try to make sure you're okay! I have taken days off work, that's money I can't afford to loose. I'm sick and tired of watching you waste away. You haven't showered in 5 days! I've hardly seen you eat anything. You're not doing this alone, but I can't help you if you're not willing to cooperate with me! You need to get up."

Instead Rory begins to cry, deep heart wrenching sobs. She buries her face in her pillow.

"Oh shit," Jess mutters under his breath.

He kneels beside her bed, leans in close and whispers, "We can do this."

She faces him, unable to get out any words. He pushes back the greasy hair that tears have plastered to her face and kisses her right by the eye. A bitter saltiness lingers on his lips. He combs out the knots in her hair with his fingers. "It'll be okay," he adds.

When she finally calms down, Jess stops stroking her hair. Although they will most likely be late for the appointment, he fills the bath with warm water. Back in her room, he lifts her out of bed, carries her to the bathroom and sets her down on the toilet seat. He feels like he's taking care of a 4 year old. Jess looks her in the eye. "I can't do this for you anymore. You need to take a bath, okay? And brush your teeth." She nods and Jess leaves, closing the door behind him.

An hour later Rory emerges from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She walks into her room and collapses in a weeping mess on her bed. Right in front of his eyes, Jess has been witnessing Rory Gilmore having a nervous breakdown. She is sobbing hysterically. At that moment he knows they will not make it to the doctor's office. He lies down beside her, pulls her cold, shaky body close to his and takes her trembling hand. Her hair is wet beneath his cheek. Jess has no idea what to do. He hopes that his wordless comfort can help sooth Rory. Rory continues to wail uncontrollably, but eventually her sobs turn into whimpers. He squeezes her hand gently. "It's okay Rory," he whispers, "You're going to be okay."

He places a soft kiss between her neck and her collarbone. When it seems like she's finally settled down and maybe asleep, Jess begins to get up. Rory holds tightly to his hand. "Don't leave," she pleads timidly.

Jess falls back beside her. "I won't," he promises.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Back at home Lorelai is having her much needed first cup of coffee at Luke's.

"Hey, what day is it today?" Lorelai asks Luke.

"Friday," he replies.

"Crap." Lorelai scrunches up her face.

"What?"

"It's _Friday_," Lorelai states as if that should explain everything.

"So?" Luke wonders.

"So, tonight's the night Rory and I are supposed to start going to Friday night dinners again!"

"Uh-oh."

"I know."

"Do your parents know…" Luke cuts off mid-sentence. The townsfolk have big ears and he knows Rory doesn't want her news reaching Stars Hollow.

"I haven't told them anything and Rory obviously didn't. Besides, I just found out a few days ago myself."

"What are you going to do?"

"Tell them I guess. Someone has to show up and Rory's in no shape to be dealing with Richard and Emily. The anger and disappointment would be too much. Trust me, I know."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Luke offers.

"Ha!" Lorelai snorts, "No, no, it's going to be messy. I can handle this one. I've done it before."

"Alright, just let me know if you change your mind."

"Thanks Luke."

**- - - - - - - - - - **

Lorelai arrives at the Gilmore Mansion a little later that she expected. She's prepared to tell them about Rory almost immediately. She won't be able to distract them from the fact that their beloved granddaughter isn't there. She rings the doorbell and Emily answers it.

"Lorelai, you're late."

"Nice to see you too Mom."

"Where's Rory?"

"Well you see…there's something that I need to talk to you and Dad about."

"Is it about Rory?" Emily asks as she and Lorelai walk into the living room.

"Yes."

"About why she's not here?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Anna!" Emily calls for her maid.

"Yes Mrs. Gilmore?"

"Please go to the pool house and tell Richard that our guest is finally here."

"Of course Mrs. Gilmore."

Shortly after the maid disappears from the room Richard enters. "Hello Lorelai," he says uncomfortably before glancing around the room, "Where's Rory?"

"She's not here right now," Emily responds, "Lorelai says she has something to tell us. Apparently she's going to explain why Rory's not here."

"Ah, I see," Richard says disappointedly, "Please Lorelai have a seat." They all sit down and Lorelai decides to dive right in.

"Mom, Dad…Rory won't be going to Yale this year."

"What are you talking about? Lorelai, is this supposed to be a joke? It isn't funny!" Emily barks.

"I wish I were being funny, but I'm not. I'm completely serious."

"Why the hell not!?"

"If I tell you I'd have to kill you."

"Stop joking Lorelai. What's wrong with Rory?"

"Mom, there's nothing wrong with her, she just can't go."

"There's obviously something wrong if she's not going. It doesn't make sense for her not to go, everything's paid for."

"I know. This has nothing to do with money."

"Well then just tell us already!" Emily asks in frustration.

"Yes Lorelai, please. What is keeping Rory from attending Yale?" Richard asks.

"Rory's pregnant."

"I beg your pardon?" Emily is stunned.

"You know, pregnant, knocked up, expecting, with child…"

"I know what you mean!" Emily shouts. "How did on Earth did that happen?"

"Well Mom, I think you know how it happened…"

"Stop it Lorelai, just stop it! I've had enough of your useless comments!"

"Sorry, I was just trying to lighten the mood."

"The mood doesn't need lightening. When did you find out?"

"Just a few days ago."

"I can't believe this!" Emily cries.

"You need to calm down. You're getting way too upset." Lorelai reasons.

"Damn right I'm upset! Where is Rory anyway?"

"She couldn't come."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Lorelai, I don't have time for any of your games. Why isn't Rory here?"

"It doesn't matter. She just couldn't come okay? I didn't think she should have to deal with you guys freaking out on her. It would break her heart."

"We wouldn't freak out on her!" Emily contradicts.

"Oh please! What do you think you're doing right now?"

"Right now, I'm trying to process the dreadful information that you just dumped on me! She's our only granddaughter, Lorelai. I think I have a right to be concerned. We have loved and supported that girl and she doesn't have the decency to show up here and tell us herself?"

"Shut up Mom!" Lorelai screams defensively. "Do you have any idea of how terrible Rory is feeling right now? No! You don't, so don't you dare accuse her of being inconsiderate when you have no clue what's going on!"

"Well maybe I would know what was going on if someone bothered to inform me for once!"

"Even if she could be here right now, it would crush her. Despite what I've told her, Rory loves you guys. She would hate to disappoint you."

"Well it's too late for that isn't it?"

Lorelai shakes her head. "I've had enough. Rory won't be coming to Friday night dinners anymore. Goodbye." She grabs her coat.

"Wait." Finally, Richard speaks for the second time during the entire argument. He is very cool and very collected. "Emily, calm down. Thank you Lorelai for informing us. I will take care of things at Yale."

"Thanks Dad," says Lorelai as she begins to leave.

"She's just like you," Emily mutters.

"What was that?" Lorelai asks.

"She's ruined her life, just like you ruined yours."

"I didn't ruin my life and neither has Rory," Lorelai gives her parting shot and leaves the room.


End file.
